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What the fuck (!)

I can't take this anymore!I hate feeling this way.I don't want to complain and I don't want keep talking about you to my friends.I don't want be the lonely girl who can't seem to get over a guy well truth is I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!Happy now?It sucks!Especially knowing the fact that you're way better off without me and that i meant or mean nothing to you at all.Honestly right now all i want is for someone to comfort me,I just want cry and cry.But it's useless cause no matter how many times i cry or scream and the pain just won't go away.I hate feeling this way. It is like i wake up half dead,as if i'm faking everything.The smiles,laughs is nothing. I don't have that fucker mood with me anymore,it is like i'm forcing myself to be hyper so that my friends won't ask me what's wrong to me,what the problem or say that i've changed.It hurts so bad.I just want you to notice for once,despite everything can't you still see that i love you?I hate being weak like this, i hate feeling desperate.You made me confess my feelings but what's the point? You're doing nothing about it,if it's to make yourself feel good thinking that i'm desperate in need for your attention then i hope you're happy.Cause that's how i feel right now,desperate and used.It feels like you know all of my weaknesses and you're using them against me.I want to be that girl that you once fell in love with.Strongest girl there is, didn't talk about her problems, didn't give a fuck about what anyone says or does, lives in her own world,does her own thing,doesn't judge anyone.All she knows is to have fun and enjoy life.I want to be that girl , but it's hard now cause you know my weakness.I can't act strong infront of you cause you know what i'm truly feeling.But I want prove to you that i can live without you as much as you can live without me.I can follow my bestfriends advice too!Atleast they support me and they use their brains to solve problems.You're a freaking guy!Everyone makes mistakes,it's the point of living.We live and learn. But if you're gonna let me go, just dont come running to me when your life falls again.I hope you find someone that meets her standards.Someone who you can live your perfect life with.Nobody's perfect in this world.I don't know what else i wanna said just now.I can't make any decision.You know i'm not strong like other.Just now i had a bitch disease.Why this happen to me?Ya Allah,give me strengthen.Dear boy,what happened after this,I just want you to know that i'm too grateful and happy with you.If  i'm going to die and say goodbye to this wonderful earth ,Don't forget me.And I need you to pray me in that grave .I miss you so much,i need you besides me.Give me support and strengthen :'(

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